im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
