then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
tell me about the eggs
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
