I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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