He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He better not be in your backpack
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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