His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
