You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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