I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
