i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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