You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
