It's like God shit irony all over that family
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
