we have officially lost it.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
