Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
