If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
