Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Farmville is her only friend.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
