apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
