Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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