He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
