Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
