My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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