I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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