I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Randomize
