gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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