i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
