i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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