dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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