I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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