He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
