Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
