dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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