i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
