If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
