Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
