Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am naked and annoyed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
