3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
