I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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