Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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