we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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