apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
