if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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