i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
