Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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