Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
