i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
