At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize