Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I love you. Go after that dick
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
