Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
