New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
