What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
