I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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