Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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