did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
