don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
my liver is dry heaving
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
