shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
