DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
