the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
