The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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