i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
