I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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