watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize