he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
