Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
