Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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