she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
