i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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