Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
