you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My balls are so social today.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
