I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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