i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
