did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
