Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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