Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
