when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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